A while back, I posted a question on Facebook. I asked, “What gets in the way of living life on your terms?”
The answers rolled in. Some people said their work schedule got in the way. Some said money. Others said having kids (because it’s all fun & games until you have you wake up and be a parent at 6am!).
One answer practically leapt off the page, and became its own discussion.
“Not knowing what my terms are.”
That’s big, right?
The likes kept popping up for this comment. People could relate. Even those who had answered differently paused and chimed in, “Ooh! Good point. I’m not so sure I know what my terms are either.”
Because we forget. We get lost in the shuffle. We dedicate ourselves to our projects and our families, and somewhere along the line, our sense of self gets blurry. We start to define ourselves by the roles we play and we forget our wholeness.
The cultural messages are so loud sometimes that we can barely hear ourselves think.
Be a #boss at work.
Be the #bestmomever.
While we’re trying to keep up, we don’t even notice that we’ve accepted the terms that were handed to us, without question.
We’re going along for the ride.
Swept up in the busy-ness, we scarcely have the time or energy to discern what’s working and what’s not. We just keep going, carried along by some invisible force, fuelled only by momentum and double-shot lattes.
What about our values?
Shouldn’t they fuel us?
What about our desires, our interests, our passions? Don’t they hold the kind of energy we’d like to embody much of the time?
There’s a lot of waking up happening in the world right now. Things are shifting. There is a collective question being asked from each corner of the globe…
“What are we actually doing here?”
Instead of swallowing the status quo, we’re beginning to bring things into the light. We’re asking ourselves and each other if this is really the world we wish to create. Because we know we have power, and if we choose to tune in, we can improve upon the hand we’ve been dealt.
Maybe you’ve felt it too.
I started feeling this way from a young age. Looking back, it’s hard for me to remember a time before I started questioning things. I’ve never been one to quietly absorb someone else’s rules without really being curious about how they felt for me.
I choose to ask myself, again and again, “What am I actually doing with my life?” Because #YOLO.
I figured out long ago that I am the boss of me, and I get to choose how I respond to life.
I decide which games I play, and which ones I don’t.
I decide where I put my time and energy.
I decide what to hold in my heart, and what to release.
The key is to drop beneath the noise. We must start by connecting to ourselves so we can build our lives from the inside out. If we’re just taking what we can get, and waiting for leftover time and energy to do what matters to us, we’ll never get there.
We must insist on our wellbeing. We must reconnect to our values. We must get out of our heads and into our hearts. We deserve that kind of resonance in our lives.
I know what you’re thinking.
“That’s great, Brigid. Sounds good. How the heck do we do that?”
I’m so glad you asked.
Dropping beneath the noise requires practice. The good news is that it’s a skill you can cultivate. Once you’ve got it, clarity is at your fingertips and you can come back to it again and again. No matter where life takes you, you’ll have a map back to your own heart. You’ll always know how to create space for yourSELF.
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