“To find and live your unfolding heart’s desire, your deepest truth, requires burning. It requires falling in love with your own mess.”
– Jennifer Louden
Falling in love with your own mess.
When I read that, I felt it deeply.
A wave of relief washed over me – my jaw unclenched, my shoulders softened, and my heart melted a little.
We are all trying to be good. We are all trying to be good, while also being painfully aware of the places in which we feel broken or not quite good enough.
These are the parts of ourselves we often hide. Like secrets shared between best friends at recess, they are the things we really don’t want people to see.
We’d rather present the version of ourselves that we are striving to become. When everyone is presenting the best parts only (hello social media!), suddenly we’re pressuring each other to be better, to know better, to do better…and not always in a good way.
Have you noticed? It can be toxic.
Some days, it makes me want to shrivel up, pull away, hide, and keep my imperfection secret. It can bring out the worst in me. It can kick me down and leave me without the energy I need to follow through on what matters to me.
What if we could fall in love with the mess?
Pema Chodron says, “Things come together and they fall apart.” I know this is true, and likely so do you.
We don’t just get it together and stay there forever. That’s simply not how life works. If we stay attached to the image of perfection and continue to push away the darker bits of ourselves, we increase our suffering immeasurably. We repeat old patterns and feel ashamed that we don’t measure up to the picture of ourselves we’re portraying. Feeling like a fraud. Imposter syndrome, anyone?
We need to take a step back. We need to know that it’s ok, it’s natural to not be on the ball all the time. Especially now.
o, how do we do that? How do we fall in love with the mess? I mean, that sounds…well…messy.
I think it starts when we see ourselves as human, and begin to cherish our own human hearts.
We offer ourselves compassion when things aren’t going well.
We offer others compassion too.
Just for now, we step out of always trying to fix everything and learn to be present with what is.
Presence is power.
We soften towards ourselves.
We ask for help.
We celebrate the little things.
We practice honesty – with ourselves and with others.
We share this experience of being human.
We allow ourselves to be in it together.
To truly be seen for who we are, without pretense, without performance, is so very life-affirming.
Resisting the mess is exhausting.
Resisting the mess disconnects us from our humanness.
Resisting the mess disconnects us from each other.
Resisting the mess keeps us stuck.
Resisting the mess leaves us feeling depleted because we’re not looking in the right places to find our power.
How might you practice falling in love with the mess?
Where might you begin?
I specialize in supporting people who are ready to work through their stresses instead of being consumed by them. It requires skills we were never taught in school, and that many of us never learned at home either.
Growth is possible. You can drop old ways of relating to the challenges you face and find yourself invigorated and empowered to make the changes you crave.
My name is Brigid Dineen, and I am a Resilience Coach for Women on a Mission. Known for my deep empathy and grounded approach to personal growth, I have been teaching, coaching, and supporting women for over a decade as they learn to put themselves on the priority list. As the creator of Boundary Queen, I provide practical tools and strategies for self-care to help you reclaim your time, energy and peace of mind.
I believe in a world where wellbeing comes first – that includes the wellbeing of marginalized folx. I’m a fierce intersectional feminist, and this work is my feminism in action. Just so we’re clear, here’s where I stand:
Black Lives Matter, Trans Lives Matter, Climate Change is Real, Trump is Terrifying, and the Pandemic is NOT a Hoax.
I share these views here because you deserve to work with someone who shares your values, so I want you to know mine up front.
“It is in the shelter of each other that the people live.” (Irish Proverb) Let’s take care of one another.