How to Live on Your Own Terms

A while back, I posted a question on Facebook. I asked, “What gets in the way of living life on your terms?”

The answers came flooding in. Some people said their work schedule. Some said money. Others said being a parent.

I’m sure if I posted it today, many would say, “Uh, the pandemic?” #obvi

One answer practically leapt off the page, and became its own discussion.

“Not knowing what my terms are.”

Boom. That’s big, right?

It’s such a good point. The likes kept popping up for this comment. People could relate. Even those who had answered with something different paused and chimed in, “Ooh! Good point. I’m not so sure I know what my terms are either.”

Because we forget. We get lost in the shuffle. We dedicate ourselves to our projects and our families, and somewhere along the line, our sense of self gets blurry or quiet. We start to define ourselves by the roles we play and we forget our wholeness.

The cultural message is so loud sometimes that we can barely hear ourselves think.

Be a #boss at work.
Be the #bestmomever.
Be #fabulous.
Feel #blessed.

While we’re trying to keep up, we don’t even notice that we’ve accepted the terms that were handed to us without question. We’re going along for the ride. Swept up in the busy-ness, we scarcely have the time or energy to discern what’s working and what’s not. We just keep going, carried along by some invisible force, while momentum and double-shot lattes become the things that fuel us.

What about our values? Shouldn’t they fuel us? What about our desires, our interests, our passions? Don’t they hold the kind of energy we’d like to embody much of the time?

There’s a lot of waking up happening in the world right now. Things are shifting. There is a collective question being asked from each corner of the globe. “What are we actually doing here?”

Instead of swallowing the status quo, we’re beginning to bring things into the light. We’re asking ourselves and each other if this is really the world we wish to create. Because we know we have power.

Maybe you’ve felt it too.

I started feeling this way from a young age. Looking back, it’s hard for me to remember a time before I started questioning things. I’ve never been one to quietly absorb someone else’s rules without really being curious about how they felt for me. I figured out long ago that I am the boss of me, and I get to choose how I respond to life. I decide which games I play, and which ones I don’t. I decide where I put my time and energy. I decide what to hold in my heart, and what to release. Because honestly, we need to let some of this shit go.

I think it starts by dropping beneath the noise. We must start by connecting to ourselves so we can build our lives from the inside out. If we’re just taking what we can get, and waiting for leftover time and energy to do what matters to us, we’ll never get there.

We must insist on our wellbeing. We must reconnect to our values. We must get out of our heads and into our hearts so that life can feel as good as it looks.

I know what you’re thinking.

“That’s great, Brigid. Sounds good. How the heck do we do that?”

I’m so glad you asked.

Dropping beneath the noise requires practice. The good news is that it’s a skill you can cultivate. Once you’ve got it, clarity is at your fingertips and you can come back to it again and again. No matter where life takes you, you’ll have a map back to your own heart. You’ll always know how to create space for yourSELF.

Step One: Stop Shoulding On Yourself (let go of expectations & commitments that don’t fit your desires)

Step Two: Sense Your Truth (connect to your deep inner wisdom, get out of your head and into your heart)

Step Three: Speak Up & Step Up (take inspired action to advocate for yourself and your needs and GO FOR IT!)

 

Now, I understand that we’ll still have to put SOME time & energy into things that don’t light us up. That’s part of life. The important thing is to give yourself the space to question what you’re taking on and make conscious decisions about your availability for those things. There’s likely more room for YOU in your life than you’ve allowed yourself to believe.

 

What could 2021 feel like if you gave yourself the space to find the pulse of your own soul?

What would life be like if you infused it with more of YOU?

I have a feeling it would be a lot more fulfilling, don’t you?

I have space to work with a handful of new clients starting in January. If you have an inkling that you’d like to be one of them, let’s chat.

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My name is Brigid Dineen, and I am a Resilience Coach for Women on a Mission. Known for my deep empathy and grounded approach to personal growth, I have been teaching, coaching, and supporting women for over a decade as they learn to put themselves on the priority list. As the creator of Boundary Queen, I provide practical tools and strategies for self-care to help you reclaim your time, energy and peace of mind.

I believe in a world where wellbeing comes first – that includes the wellbeing of marginalized folx. I’m a fierce intersectional feminist, and this work is my feminism in action. Just so we’re clear, here’s where I stand:

Black Lives Matter, Trans Lives Matter, Climate Change is Real, Trump is Terrifying, and the Pandemic is NOT a Hoax.

I share these views here because you deserve to work with someone who shares your values, so I want you to know mine up front.

“It is in the shelter of each other that the people live.” (Irish Proverb) Let’s take care of one another. 

Curious about coaching with me? Book a free strategy session here.