I used to struggle with commitments that I made to myself.
Commitments I made to others? No problem. I’m there, every time.
But for some reason, when it came to my own goals, I lacked follow through. I struggled to keep the momentum going, and ultimately I felt like I was digging a deeper and deeper hole. I had no idea how to climb out and make real change happen.
Maybe you can relate.
After a lot of soul searching (and therapy), I realized that the fundamental problem was that I didn’t believe I was enough.
I was constantly trying to prove myself to others so that I could be worthy of love and belonging. My high achieving style worked well for me for a while. External validation, awards and approval buoyed my self-esteem.
But that was all conditional. Other people had to see it. I had to impress them for it to work.
It’s no wonder I put other people’s priorities first. The only way I could feel good about myself was when it was affirmed through other people’s eyes.
This simple belief, “I am not enough,” kept me stuck in this cycle for YEARS.
Putting off my dreams.
Allowing my calendar to be dictated by what others wanted from me.
Wondering why I couldn’t get any traction with the things I wanted to create.
At first, I didn’t know I had this belief. I mean, on the outside, I was rocking at life. But on the inside? Things felt off. I had to move beyond the confident part of me who knew better so I could connect with the tender part of myself that wasn’t sold.
I had to get right down to the bottom so that I could truly understand and know, deep in my bones, that I am already enough.
Not because I look a certain way or have a particular partner or job. Not because I’m the best or the only one doing some cool thing. Not because someone told me that I am. Not because I fulfill people’s expectations of me.
I am already enough because I was born this way.
You were too.
These days, I’ve surrendered into my own humanity. I know my light, and my shadow. I embrace every part. I’ve softened my heart towards myself, and my friend, the sense of freedom it’s given me is indescribable.
If you find yourself committing to things you don’t really want to do, I have a hunch it’s because like me, somewhere deep down, you’re struggling to believe that you’re enough. Your sense of self is bound up in pleasing others, or at least not letting them down.
But you were born for more than putting out fires and cleaning up other people’s messes. You have something to give. It’s time to stop putting it on the back burner.
I know you’re pressuring yourself to do it all (probably single-handedly). You have yourself convinced that when you “get there,” all will be well. You’ll finally be happy. But…
What if true fulfillment is more about letting go?
What if it’s about returning to who you truly are?
Discovering and honouring your desires?
Softening, relaxing into who you are?
Fully expressing your unique self?
Let me assure you, when you let go of the stories that keep you from knowing that you’re enough, you claim a deep sense of power that fuels your whole life. No more struggling with motivation and follow through. No more sacrificing yourself for other people’s priorities.
What a relief, right?
In order to be who you’re meant to be, you’ve got to stop being who you’re not.
It starts by learning to develop healthy boundaries so that you can lead your own life instead of living by default according to other people’s needs.
You are already enough.
You were enough all along.
It’s time to drop the story that keeps you from knowing it and living it.
That’s why I created my upcoming free challenge, RECLAIMING MY TIME.
If you struggle to put yourself on the priority list, see your needs as negotiable, and find that you’re always the first to compromise, you won’t want to miss this.
Challenge runs from March 21st to 25th 2019.