What if your inner critic is just the patriarchy in disguise?

In this episode, Jen Pavich and I take a deep dive into internalized oppression – what it is, how it shows up, and how to let that shit go!

If you believe you need to be more perfect before you really start to show up for your life & your dreams, you won’t want to miss this. We connect the dots between what our culture tells us, what we tell ourselves, and the reality we’re creating as a result.

Jen asks us to consider what we’ve been taught about what it means to be a “good woman,” and then ask ourselves whether or not we truly believe those things. Simple, and yet so powerful.

When I considered what I believe, here’s what came to mind.

In my heart, I know that to be good, I need only be myself. Let expectation fall away and let my essence flow.

Be kind. Be generous. Be yourself.


But there’s a part of me ( my inner critic) that believes something much different.

When she grabs the mic, she tells me that to be good enough, I must be completely selfless.

I must be fit and brilliant and successful.

My home should be immaculate.

I must make lots of money so I can give it to charity.

I must have perfect skin and have a face that only makeup could create, but without wearing so much as concealer.

No scars. No stretch marks. No bumps or bruises.

To be good, I should not wear my opinions on my face and instead always be pleasantly smiling.

I should not cause conflict. I should not make people uncomfortable.

I should not ever take up very much space, and if I do, apologize immediately and profusely.

I should always assume that everyone’s doing their best and let that be good enough for me.

To be good, I must not reveal my struggles or the truth of what I’ve been through. I should keep secrets, even if they’re silently killing me.

Be the balm that soothes other people’s pain while simply letting mine go. Just let it go.

I should keep striving, deeply invested in myself as a project because the truth is that while it’s possible to be good in a general sense, there’s no way I’ll ever be good enough.

Be nice. Be small. Be quiet.

Do I truly believe those things? Hell no. It sounds like a whole lotta bullshit to me.

So I must interrupt those thoughts. I must recognize them for what they are. I must come home to myself and land in my own heart, deeply sensing my own humanity and giving myself permission to break all the rules that never should have been made in the first place.


Thank you, Jen, for that food for thought!

Be sure to click above to check out the full convo.

Jen Pavich is a feminist life coach who helps women overcome all of the bullshit they’ve been taught about how to be a perfect woman so that they can unleash their inner badass, thrive in their lives, and smash the patriarchy.

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