“You do it to yourself, and that’s why it really hurts.”
Let’s talk about overwhelm. It seems like everyone’s got it and it’s even starting to seem….normal (eek!). In this post, we’ll get to the bottom of it as we explore 3 burning questions:
(1) Why do we get overwhelmed?
(2) What do we need to know?
(3) How do we end it?
Why do we get overwhelmed?
Because of these 4 lies.
- There’s a prize waiting for us. If we can just do all of these millions of things, we’ll be worthy / everybody will like us / we’ll feel better about ourselves. Many people are not so good at the boundary thing. It’s nice to help people – but it becomes a problem if you can’t say no. I’ll cut right to the chase here. If you can’t say no, somewhere along the line, you’ve likely internalized a rule that says that you need to make everyone happy or do lots of stuff in order to be good enough. This is simply untrue (more on that later).
- We have no choice. We buy into this illusion whole-heartedly. Believing that we have no choice is not only an act of giving away our power, but it even has us believe that the power is not ours in the first place. No choice = no power = no responsibility or ability to change. Also untrue.
- Pushing is the best policy. Suck it up & deal. Make it happen no matter what. In reality, sheer force is not a good and sustainable strategy for getting things done. Willpower is an exhaustible resource (you can download & peruse a report by the APA about it here). If it feels like it’s your main mechanism for getting through….STOP IT. I mean, you’ll burn out anyway and naturally stop when you’ve had enough, but I’m telling you this for your own good. More on what to do instead in a moment.
- We are the victim. Truth be told, we get something out of the things that we continually do and can’t seem to shake. Maybe it’s easier to say that we’re too busy for our own dreams than to actually admit that we really want something for ourselves. Maybe we enjoy the feeling of importance we get from taking care of others – it reinforces our identity or our need to be seen as a good person. Maybe living in overwhelm is a great way to avoid taking anything all the way. What are you getting from staying in this pattern? What benefit do you get from not changing? The next time you feel stuck in overwhelm, ask yourself what the secret benefit is. Get deep with yourself.
What do we need to know?
These 4 truths.
You are worthy. You are loved. You are enough. You have nothing to prove.
You are powerful and you have a choice. It is yours for the claiming.
Being gentle with yourself yields the best results, allowing space for focus & flow.
You’re gaining something from staying where you are, but there is so much more waiting for you. Choose to make room and let the awesomeness in.
How do we end overwhelm?
With these 4 steps.
- Notice where you’re “shoulding” all over yourself. Is something on your list just because someone said it should be? Just because you said it should be? Take the time to thoughtfully consider the item. Do you really have to do it? Maybe yes, maybe no. When I started this practice, I was delightfully surprised at the number of things that I straight up did not actually have to do. Ah, the first taste of freedom!
- Remember that you have a choice. This is a matter of language, and it makes a huge difference. Instead of saying that you “can’t” do something or “have to” to something, try on “choose to” or “choose not to.” Woah, empowerment moment! It feels totally different. We can be responsible and accountable for the choices we make – and we can also choose differently or change our minds. Let’s call it what it is: a choice. Your choice.
- Take a sad song and make it better. Some things will drop off your list without consequence, as noted in #1 above. Some things might still have to get done even if they don’t make your heart sing. For these, we get creative. Is there some way you can make the thing more fun or comfortable to do? Can someone else do it for you? Ask for help and you just might get it! Instead of pushing, maybe you can just drop it, or get someone else to do it, or at least make it more fun.
- Watch the magic happen. Stretch out and enjoy the space you’ve created. When you shift things around, you make more room for the things you love. You feel better, and when you feel better, you’re nicer to yourself & to people around you. When that happens, you have more energy and make better choices. Put it all together and you’ve got the recipe for a life that resonates with your values and puts an end to overwhelm. Order Viagra cheap online from https://www.rmhc-richmond.org/buy-viagra-100/ and get a big discount.
If you’re often overwhelmed, you’re likely the type to really go for it – which would make trying this strategy another thing on the list to do perfectly & right away & all at once. Instead, I invite you take one little step at a time. Choose one thing that you do regularly that gives you a sinking feeling, and work through the four steps above. Let me know how it goes in the comments below!
If you have a friend who’s suffering from overwhelm, share this post with them. Better yet, invite them to our upcoming workshop!
Making the choice to end overwhelm is to take a step in the direction of living your truth. For a live experience of more ways to reconnect to your true desires and to build your life on your terms, come to OWN IT. ROCK IT. MAKE IT HAPPEN™ next Wednesday, January 29th from 7-8 pm at the Centre for Social Innovation on Bathurst south of Bloor. Buy your tickets HERE. Connect with the facebook group HERE.