It’s amazing how often we sit in judgment of ourselves. Just because I teach this stuff doesn’t mean I’m over it.

In the past two weeks, I’ve gone through a clear call to get back to self-compassion. Here’s what happened.

I had a mole that started to look a little funny, so I went to the doctor, who referred me to the dermatologist. The dermatologist was a man of few words. He told me we would do a biopsy…and then he removed it without telling me what was going on or explaining what he was doing.

I’ve never had a biopsy. I had no idea what to expect. When he was done, I asked, “So, you’ll let me know if we need to remove it?” “Oh no, it’s gone,” he replied. I was surprised and shocked, and as I walked out to the car, the tears started rolling down.

I was so upset! I felt violated.

And so I cried in my car for a while and called my best friend, who was super-helpful. (Thanks Jo!) I was confused by everything during that wave of emotion and she cut right  to the truth: “You’re angry because he did something to your body without telling you. That’s not ok.”

A wave of relief washed over me as I began to understand why my reaction was so strong. I started to make sense of what I was feeling.
When we’re in the midst of an emotional reaction, it’s hard to think clearly. Big emotions can feel scary, and we resist them by judging ourselves. “Why am I even upset in the first place? It’s not that big a deal. Maybe I’m just overreacting.” That is what resistance sounds like. Thoughts trying to push away an emotional reaction so that we don’t need to go through the discomfort of it all.

But you know what’s even more uncomfortable? Convincing ourselves that our emotions are wrong or bad or inappropriate.

Emotions are messengers, trying to tell us something. In this case, my boundaries had been violated, which is a normal thing to get upset about. I went through waves of anger as well as sadness for a bit, but connecting to my truth about the situation helped me to let it happen without beating myself up about it…too much. I had a few blips, but I kept coming back to a place of honouring my feelings and knowing my truth.

This same theme has come up with a few of my clients this week. I think it’s common for women to downplay our “negative” emotions – especially anger – because of all the crap we’ve been fed about emotions making us weak, or anger not being appropriate, blah blah blah. BS, I tell you. Brene Brown points out that you can’t selectively numb your emotions. That means that when we practice turning the volume down on some of them (like sadness or anger), we end up turning the volume down on all of them. We narrow the range of emotions available to us, which leaves us feeling numb and disconnected.

When we allow ourselves to feel our feelings without judgment, we experience freedom. We become more connected to ourselves. We trust ourselves. Imagine there’s an inner child feeling your emotions. If you make the child wrong for her feelings, she will shut down, knowing that you don’t have her back. Without the space to experienced and explore our feelings for their deeper messages, our hearts shut down, knowing that we don’t have her back. Generic Cialis 20mg best buy on for ED treatment.

This is the heart of the work that I do with my one-on-one clients.

Healthy boundaries.
Letting go of judgment.
Tuning in to your truth.
Speaking up for yourself.
Advocating for your needs & wants.


I invite you to bring to mind some part of yourself you’ve been judging or resisting, and see if you can send a little compassion there instead of throwing shade. To help you along, here’s a lovingkindness meditation, which is part of Breathing Room, my 21-day guided meditation practice. If you have yet to experience the program, you can sign up for free here.


Sending waves of compassion your way,